HERE'S WHAT READERS ARE SAYING:

Dear Mr. Seglin,

With regards to the Escape-a-date, I'm going to say it's ok.

Now for the important part. The misleading real estate sign and the Escape-a-date are minor. Today as I read your column, I say to myself, "Ethical problems are not always earth shaking" and that's ok, maybe it is better that way. Then I thought, maybe you should define in your column, what is an ethical person? What is an ethical person like? How ethical does a regular guy have to be in this life?
Is the completely ethical man loved by society and an outcast from the people around him? If I never told a lie and told everyone what I felt about them I would be ethical and honest, but socially outcast. My boss would fire me for sure. Wives and friends would feel uncomfortable wondering when the next honest remark would strike like a claw and tear their guts out. As an ethical man, am I obligated to search out all injustice? Should I go into politics and right all the wrongs. Should I work to benefit the poor, the environment, the abused because an ethical man would not stand by doing nothing when there is injustice? History might pick Jesus Christ as a guy who most would consider being completely ethical, and look what happened to him.
So if I don't use "Escape-a-date" (Easy way out), I will be obligated time and time again to spend countless hours of heart rending explanation, shedding tears and adding stress to my life (The hard way). Life is tough enough. If I'm going to get nailed to a cross, I'd like it to be for something earth shaking. Until then, a few little white lies will help me get through the day.

Steve Silverman
Costa Mesa, Calif.
(Read your column in the "Orange County Register")

Dear Mr. Seglin,

Besides enabling lies, the new Cingular service for potentially disillusioned daters, starts with the discourteous concept that it is okay to leave one's cell phone on during a date/meeting to begin with! Such thinking has already devalued the targeted person from the get-go, which bodes an ill future right there. In my opinion (and I think it is one shared by many), one's cell phone should only be left on if there is truly a very good reason (parent/child in hospital, babysitter at home with child, job interview time to be set up, home sale in negotiation, etc., i.e., life-altering, immediate attention circumstances like those), and that should be made clear up front, before the date/meeting begins.

Cingular's idea is a sad commentary on our society in at least two ways. That any company would encourage lies is bad enough, but they are also encouraging a general assault upon the dignity of another human being who has probably incurred some expense in preparing for the date, not to mention the investment of his or her own valuable time.

Eventually, Cingular's service, if they continue in this direction, will be widely known. Even if the Cingular user decides he/she would like to continue the date, the damage is done. The targeted person will know, or at least suspect, that the person they are sitting with wanted the option to escape them with a deceitful ruse. Since there is absolutely no wisdom in furthering a relationship with someone who thinks it's okay to lie (and that is the impression that will be left in the mind of the target), the date will effectually be over at that point anyway. Better for the Cingular customer to make the commitment to invest the time for the "normal" duration of a date, rather than to risk a potential friendship, business connection, or possibly even the love-of-one's-life, by that phony phone call. And besides, if time is that important, the Cingular user should just opt for coffee or lunch as a first date (I am assuming that this is "first date" strategy), which are relatively minor time and expense commitments.

You know, the more I think about it, this Cingular idea sounds like it was birthed in the mind of the Seinfeld character, George Costanza!

Blessings to you!
Susan Hammond
Irvine, CA
Orange County Register

Dear Mr. Seglin,

My name is Rebecca Strecker and I reside in
Westminster, CA. I read your column in the Orange
County Register. (CA.)

With regards to the question of the "phantom phone
call service", I'd like to add my 2 cents worth.
I think part of bring human requires one to practice
tact. Simply put to me that means telling the truth in
in a way that is least offensive or cruel.

I have not gone on a blind date for several decades as
I am happily married. However I think the "phantom
phone call" is deceptive. If it catches on, the phone
call will become a cowardly way of aborting the date
without the curtesy of simply stating that one would
prefer to end the date early feeling the match lacks
potential to work out. I feel a better method would be
to thank the date for his/her time and wish them good
luck in finding their special mate. Is that so hard
to say? Their date may very well be relieved, and
thinking that very same sentiment!

Thanks for a wonderful column, Mr. Seglin.

Best wishes,
Rebecca Strecker

Love it and read it in Orange County (CA) Register.

The cell-interrupt of a date? Oh, please! How about a gentle, "Would it be OK if we call it a day/nite?"

Another question, which may not change the course of the world, but--
Six board members of a nonprofit organization gather at Starbucks for a meeting. They take up 6 parking spaces outside and two tables inside. Only 2 order anything at the counter.
Ethical?

Thanks for all the issues you bring up.
Beverly Bush Smith

DISCLAIMER: The opinions expressed in the e-mails to The Right Thing: Sound Off section of this Web site are solely the views of the those who sent them. They do not reflect the views of Jeff Seglin, The New York Times Syndicate or The New York Times Company.